


Things I Would Tell You

by cassiopeiasara



Series: Something to Talk About (Dialogue Prompts Round 2) [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: A little angst with a happy end, Erin centric, F/F, Prompt Fill, Reflection piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiopeiasara/pseuds/cassiopeiasara
Summary: She writes dozens of letters she never sends.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: In response to an anon prompt that asked for the phrase "I almost lost you."
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and I seek no profit. Title from the poem "Brother" by Sarah Kay which is quoted at the beginning.

 

 

> _There are so many things I would tell you_
> 
> _If I thought you would listen_
> 
> _And so many more you would tell me_
> 
> _If you believed I would understand_

Erin finds the book at the bottom of her research box. She plans to throw most of its contents away. She doesn’t want the next few years filled with ghosts and information on how to interact with malevolent entities.

The world of quantum physics awaits her and she is ready to put Ghost Girl to rest. But she can’t seem to let go of this book. It’s covered in doodles from science class, half solved equations and the chemical breakdown of hot chocolate. She runs her hands over the adolescent writing. 

_Erin and Abby’s Time Machine_  it reads.

Abby’s sixteen year old voice rings in her head.  _We’ll need to remember our research and it will be cool to record everything we do_. She flips it open to partial theories scribbled in equal parts hers and Abby’s handwriting. She smiles sadly at them. She is finished with this part of her life but leaving paranormal research means leaving Abby. 

As easy as it might be to throw out all her supernatural readings, this book and the memories it holds aren’t so simple. She flips to a page she’s read so many times. She remembers her favorite shirt covered in Tuesday’s mystery meat and her ruined braided bracelet. She remembers sitting in class trying to pay attention but the taunt of Ghost Girl ringing in her head. The thing she remembers most vividly as she reads is how Abby held her hand the whole class while also writing and pretending to listen. 

_I, Abigail Leslie Yates, do promise to never leave the side of Erin Gilbert. I will be her best friend forever and I do solemnly swear to kick anyone’s ass who might mess with her._

_“You just show those losers that and see if they mess with you.”_

Erin feels the tears start falling as she recalls how many times Abby was sent home from school for making good on her promise. 

“Abby,” she whispers as she traces Abby’s signature. 

Some days she wonders why she didn’t abandon this foolish work before college but today she is reminded that it meant Abby. Abby the one person she wants the most to talk to and the one she currently can’t reach.

She considers throwing out the book at least once a month but Abby is the one thing she can’t truly let go of. There is so much she wants to say and even more she wants to hear. She supposes there is still a chance. Maybe one day Abby might learn to trust her again. Maybe they could really talk about why she left, why she can’t just be braver.   

Erin thinks all those years they are apart that she might write a letter, send an e-mail or just  show up and explain. Every time she tries, she’s paralyzed. How can she shove all that distance into simple words?

She writes dozens of letters she never sends. 

_Abby, I’m so sorry_.  _Abby you wouldn’t understand_.  _I miss your voice_.  _I miss your jokes_.  _I miss my friend._

* * *

They sit at her kitchen table, half eaten cartons of Chinese food and two beers between them. Abby laughs at something Erin says and when she calms, she comments, “I’m so glad you’re back.” 

_I almost lost you_ , the thought and everything it means hits Erin all at once. She thinks of all those years she wasted, all the things she never explained. Abby deserves them now, to know all of the reasons and all of her fears, but all Erin can think is that this is what she wanted. The two of them together again.

She smiles as she clears her throat and answers,“Me too.” 

She’ll do better this time around, she swears it. 


End file.
